So my husband and I are hoping to start a new chapter in life, a chapter of which includes children. While this should be such an exciting and fun time for me, I cannot get past my fear and anxiety. This is an area where I know I am being asked to completely surrender to the Lord, but I am gripped with an overwhelming fear. It is a fear that tells me this will never happen. I feel like for one of the first times in my life, I have no control or no say in this at all and that freaks me out. I have wanted this so bad for so long and now that it is finally here I can't enjoy it because I am stuck, stuck in my fear and anxiety. It is a constant struggle for me; a tug-of-war that I play with God everyday. He is asking me for the deepest desire of my heart and an abandonment of that desire to Him. He is asking me, "Do you believe I am sovereign, good, and in control in EVERY circumstance?". If I did believe that than there would be no tug-of-war, just peace and rest. Rest in a Father who delights in his daughter. Rest in a God who sees all of me and loves me the same. Rest in a God who says if I delight myself in Him, than He will give me the desires of my heart. So, today I choose rest. Today I choose to believe that God is who he says he is and that God will do what He has promised to do; love me without condition with a faithfulenss like nothing we will ever understand.
"For the LORD is good and his love endures forever; his faithfulness continues through all generations!"
Monday, October 4, 2010
So, I thought I would share the reason why I wanted to start this blog with all you who care to know. This past season of life for me has been a crazy one! My life has been filled with failure, wounds and questions...lots of questions! But it has also been filled with healing, restortation and growth. It has been a season of being stretched and challenged, a season where I have been shown the absolute wretchedness of my sin but have also tasted the amazing mercy, grace and forgiveness of my Savior. With this blog I would just love to share what the Lord has been revealing to me in this past season and hope that whoever reads it may be encouraged with the lessons I am learning and growing in!