Thursday, March 24, 2011

For lessons learned in how to trust in You

    Here I am again. Month after month struggling with the same thing, but being taught something new every month. It seems as though every month of disappointment God brings a new challenge, or a new part of His character I have yet to unfold. If I allow myself to get swept away in the frustration of it all, I miss the little pieces of glory God is revealing to me every month.
   This month was much the same as the other months, hopes way up that this was the month I was going to get pregnant and then the horrible let down that I was not. I left my house that morning to go to work and turned on some worship music. I was frustrated and telling the Lord my feelings of being let down and not understanding and mad at myself that I am not being the woman of  unshakeable faith I so long to be. But in honesty, I am not there, every month it shakes my faith a little bit more. But what a challenge it is to dig in deeper and hold on tighter to the promises that are being painfully rooted in my heart. So, as I said, I was listening to worship music and a song came on that I have not heard in years.  The song is called Gratitude by Nichole Nordeman:

Send some rain, would You send some rain?
'Cause the earth is dry and needs to drink again
And the sun is high and we are sinking in the shade
Would You send a cloud, thunder long and loud?
Let the sky grow black and send some mercy down
Surely You can see that we are thirsty and afraid
But maybe not, not today
Maybe You'll provide in other ways
And if that's the case . . .

(Chorus)
We'll give thanks to You
With gratitude
For lessons learned in how to thirst for You
How to bless the very sun that warms our face
If You never send us rain

Daily bread, give us daily bread
Bless our bodies, keep our children fed
Fill our cups, then fill them up again tonight
Wrap us up and warm us through
Tucked away beneath our sturdy roofs
Let us slumber safe from danger's view this time
Or maybe not, not today
Maybe You'll provide in other ways
And if that's the case . . .

(Chorus)
We'll give thanks to You
With gratitude
A lesson learned to hunger after You
That a starry sky offers a better view if no roof is overhead And if we never taste that bread

Oh, the differences that often are between
What we want and what we really need

So grant us peace, Jesus, grant us peace
Move our hearts to hear a single beat
Between alibis and enemies tonight
Or maybe not, not today
Peace might be another world away
And if that's the case . . .

(Chorus)
We'll give thanks to You
With gratitude
For lessons learned in how to trust in You
That we are blessed beyond what we could ever dream
In abundance or in need
And if You never grant us peace

But Jesus, would You please . . .

As I was listening to the words of the song, I was challenged if I really believed what I was singing along to. Do I really believe that, "i am blessed beyond what I could ever dream in abundance or in need" if he never gives me what I think I may need or want. I think that is a great question to ask ourselves, if God never grants us, you fill in the blank, do we still believe that the Lord has given us everything we need to live in abundance on this earth? I think I get caught up in this wrong thinking that the Lord owes me something. That because I live a life of loving Him that He is indebted to me somehow, and again what arrogance in me? My God sent his only perfect son to die a horrendous death for a truly undeserving sinner like me and still I have the audacity to tell Him he owes me what I want on this earth? May it never be!! But the great news that I hold so near to my heart about my God is that he sees that pride in me and loves me the same. He created me knowing that I would fight him sometimes and ask hard questions. He loves me and ALL of me; every part that come along with Kaci Krause. So in these raw moments when my heart is bleeding with disppointed and uncertainty I choose to cling to God. I choose to to give thanks to Him, with gratitude, for lessons learned in how to trust more in Him.

1 comment:

  1. i love this song. and i'm grateful for the reminder of it. thank you. =) and i will say with certainty that God is using you in these times to be an encouragment to others...to be open and raw so that others might see His glory...to fight against your own sin to find a way to trust Him completely. it just takes a little rain. love you, friend.

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