Fearfully and wonderfully made? This is something I have heard my whole life, but have struggled to believe. I have struggled through my life with self-image issues. At times honestly hating myself; hating my personality, my looks, my body, my relationships. These are the lies that have bombarded me and that I continue to fight everyday. It a grueling fight and a true re-wiring of my way of thinking and what I believe about myself and my Lord. Somedays I want lay down in surrender because I am tired; tired of feeling like this and tired of fighting so hard just to "know" my worth. These lies have come from rejection and abadonment that I am sure, one time or another, all of us have felt or been through. It comes from the constant images thrown in my face, telling me what is beautiful and what I need to do to become that and the reality that I will never be that. I compare, it feels like, all day and everyday. It is so silly sometimes...comparing looks, blogs, cooking, marriages, families, careers and the list goes on and one. Trust me, I am never in a shortage of things to be comparing! I was talking to a friend of mine the other day that struggles with this same thing and we were discussing what active things we can do to "re-wire" our minds. How to train our minds to dwell on the things of the Lord and not this world. Now, I know that without the transformation of my mind through the Holy Spirit I will be right back where I started and quickly, but I do believe there are active things I can do to fight back when I begin to feel overwhelmed with those lies. I believe that one of those ways is the Word of God. Fighting those lies with the truth God has spoken over me in scripture. So, my friend gave me a stack of scriptures and a prayer to read through everyday to begin to allow truth to take root in my heart. One of the scriptures that stood out to me was Psalm 139:14 which says,
"I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well. "
That is a scripture that I have heard growing up and I am sure I have spoken it over people as encouragement, but I have missed half of the verse all this time. I know the part that says I am fearfully and wonderfully made, but what I missed was the part that says, "your works are wonderful, I know that full well". This was such an "ah-ha" moment for me this week. I am fearfully and wonderfully made, a creation, a work of the Lord, and His works are wonderful. I have read this scripture over and over and said it half -heartedly so many times to make my self feel "better"; to put a band-aid over the gaping wound of hurt and insecurity that is there. I have made this a quick fix, a pat-on-the-back, instead of a truth that I know "full well". I have put down time and time again what the Lord has called wonderful. I have told the creator that His creation is ugly. I have let the world convince me that my Lord got it all wrong with me. But I have been missing something. A vital part to living a life fully in the love of my Lord. The truth that my God makes no mistakes. The wonderful truth is that I am, right now and always have been, the perfect me He had in mind since the beginning of time; fearfully and wonderfully made!