It is amazing to me how fast pride can find its way to my heart. Without constant accountability (and I mean constant) pride takes over so fast. My pastor did a sermon on pride this week and it totally convicted me. I am a prideful being. I live a life most days completely dependent on myself. A life that clearly communicates that I can do it better than the Lord. I become so sure of myself and what I am "gifted" in and forget that He is the giver of those gifts and the giver of anything and everything good in my life. In those moments I am humbled and reminded of my complete and total failure without my Lord.
But what I have a hard time with is realizing that because I fail without the Lord (and make mistakes) does not mean that I am a failure, but that is a lie I have a hard time shaking sometimes. Because I am not like this, it is hard to believe the truth that God can convict and show me the error of my way and not change His opinion about me. That blows my mind because when someone fails me, I am mad and hurt and it changes my perspective about them. I am blown away by the steadiness of my Saviour's love for His people. Over and over and over again He gives us chances; chances to change, chances to love, chances to be loved and so many times we let His undeserving grace pass us by. I don't want to let it pass me by nor do I want it to fall on a hard heart because I can't get pass the lie that He thinks I am a failure. I will stand firm on the truth that no matter what I may "feel" like, that my Creator is captivated by me, His creation. I will stand firm in the truth that when He corrects and disciplines me, it is out of a deep love and a desire to see me grow more like Him. What a wonderful, passionate, patient, grace-giving God I serve!